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Starting a new relationship before you work your fourth step is like showing up for your first date wearing a hot new outfit but really dirty underwear.Without taking the time to inventory those attitudes and behaviors that have held you back in the past, you’re only clean on the outside.In case you’re bad at math, this means I’ve spent half my recovery single and dating and the other half with the same person. I’m not saying I’m a great partner every day or some kind of expert, but I’ve learned a few things.I’m happier today than I’ve ever been and I’m committed to staying that way—one day at a time.When you break up, no matter how mature and spiritual your parting, it sucks.You can’t really share honestly and you feel irrational rage if he happens to talk to a hot newcomer.
Just because you’re in recovery doesn’t mean your partner must be.It’s been more than 15 years since my last drink or drug.I credit the 12 steps for helping me rebuild my life and have attended tons of meetings (probably around 4000, but who’s counting? When I found recovery I was single, never married with no kids and strung out on more than drugs and alcohol—I was addicted to attention from men.It’s super annoying to be told that you aren’t capable of making good decisions—but it’s true.I didn’t let it stop me, I just found somebody to date that wasn’t in the program and didn’t tell anybody.
I couldn’t talk to my support group about it because I was hiding the relationship.